Sunday, July 3, 2011
Nets 28, Stage 1: recap
I think that the major theme in my own life has been acceptance and rejection. All and every healing thing that has happened has been related to feeling rejected by my parents, brothers and peers... which has made me feel like a failure and rejected by God. This had covered my life with a screen, a filter that told me no one would accept me, that I wasn’t good enough for others and that it was better for me to just withdraw into myself and hide away from everyone else. At the same time I was avoiding people I was also desperate for love and attention, refusing to be vulnerable and open, often embarrassed to talk to people, and trying to always be witty, smart, and on top of things. Net’s 28 has been an unwinding, a pulling of a thread that slowly unravels an entire piece of cloth.
At first it was just that I am not my mother nor is her opinion (often what I perceived it was and what I know it actually wasn't) was not the one that matters, then I had to work through a very hard relationship I was in two years ago with a boy named Matt - I forgave him and continue to do so now. Through this I learned not to look for acceptance in men but in God. Then started the journey of forgiving my peers, and learning to accept THEM for who they are without putting a filter of my own perfectionism on them, this one I am still working on but I am confident that God will guide me through and that when I return home I will be able to fully accept and love people, not because they will love me back but because God’s love overflows through me.
Next came a very hard issue; that of self-acceptance. I CAN’T accept others until I learn to accept myself, all of myself - my problems and my good bits; the hardest thing for me to accept of myself is who I am around other people, it is where I struggle the most and what I have to continue to work on every day I am here... I have to accept that I won’t always get it right and that it’s okay to be myself around people even when I get it wrong. I have to accept that even though I’m not perfect other people can still accept and love me for who I am but if they don’t that’s okay because I am accepted by God.
But as the weeks ticked away it was time to learn how I really felt about God’s love and acceptance, the truth was I didn’t feel loved by my father God. My earthly father had made mistakes that had created wounds I then imposed on God, and a belief that God my father didn't love me unconditionally. Of this I had to repent and ask Him to reveal his love and acceptance to me, something that didn't come like lightening but has literally taken me by surprise; now that I can see something has changed in my life but can’t pin it down.
The finishing flourish of what happened was to deal with my feeling of being a failure, coming from always feeling like I wasn’t part of the family because I "couldn’t keep up with my brothers." I learned to stop playing on the enemies side in my own life and to get mad at the lies that he fed me. I am NOT a failure, I am NOT always a step behind and I am my own beautiful self. I came out no longer satisfied with the life I used to live, now if something needs doing it is not as hard for me to do it. I am no longer choosing to put aside things that need to be done for things that waste time; I feel more productive and more willing to be productive. As a continuation of this work I heard God say not to eat the bread of idleness anymore - which means to be diligent about everything; even rest, and especially in spending time with Him.
Our God is an amazing God, he will not fail and he will not give up on us... he WILL take us by surprise and do things we don’t expect in ways we don’t expect Even when he feels far away he still works and will never stop fighting for us. My journey here will continue, I know I need it to if I want to leave with the confidence that God has given me and I lost... How long I will stay and what else will happen I do not know, but God does so I’m not to concerned. This place and the people here are amazing, Edmonton is still home, but for now I need to be misplaced so I can go back stronger and more confident.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
What God is doing so far
Hello friends,
Can you believe it's June! Totally unbelievable that the first stage of NETS is almost over, with about three weeks left. After the end of stage one there is a two week break, in which I am looking forward to resting here in England (probably checking out Oxford and some other historical areas).
This is an update on my walk with God, as I am here to receive and learn to extend healing prayer, and I can honestly say that God is very good and that he is faithful and will heal us if we let him. While I have been here God has really brought up a tendency I have to hide myself from the people around me, mostly because I felt inadequate or socially awkward. I think that this issue was central in my life and determined much of what I did, including hiding in books and television shows and choosing to do things for God (Martha) and not being with him (Mary). Since I have been here he has really been calling me to lay down trying to do things for him; things like fix myself for him, lead worship, stay busy, try to help others without really letting Him do his work in their lives - anything that would make me look good on the surface but not create a need to look deeper. This had been an issue that I had been wanting dealt with for a long time, and God decided to deal with it here, and over the process of the few months I have been here it has really been to feel accepted by him and by newfound friends. But in order to allow for that acceptance I needed to lay down the attempts to fix myself and surrender over to God what I'm doing for him (funnily enough) and just let myself receive for a little while without feeling guilty about it. This receiving has been from God and from people, for regardless of common thought God did not only create us with a God shaped hole that only he can fill, though that is very much there, he also created us with a people shaped hole - he created us to be in fellowship with each other and that is a truth that I still need to really sink in as I allow people into my life in a deeper way then I've ever done before when I chose to say that God was all I REALLY needed and dependancy on people means I'm inadequate.
In a nut shell that has been the major work of God in my life, he is a good and faithful God who will not let us stay lonely or isolated if we honestly and openly cry out to him for help and guidance, he came through for me and is changing my outlook, my heart, and my whole life. He is beautiful, he is faithful and I am more in love with him then ever!
Katherina Buyer <><
Can you believe it's June! Totally unbelievable that the first stage of NETS is almost over, with about three weeks left. After the end of stage one there is a two week break, in which I am looking forward to resting here in England (probably checking out Oxford and some other historical areas).
This is an update on my walk with God, as I am here to receive and learn to extend healing prayer, and I can honestly say that God is very good and that he is faithful and will heal us if we let him. While I have been here God has really brought up a tendency I have to hide myself from the people around me, mostly because I felt inadequate or socially awkward. I think that this issue was central in my life and determined much of what I did, including hiding in books and television shows and choosing to do things for God (Martha) and not being with him (Mary). Since I have been here he has really been calling me to lay down trying to do things for him; things like fix myself for him, lead worship, stay busy, try to help others without really letting Him do his work in their lives - anything that would make me look good on the surface but not create a need to look deeper. This had been an issue that I had been wanting dealt with for a long time, and God decided to deal with it here, and over the process of the few months I have been here it has really been to feel accepted by him and by newfound friends. But in order to allow for that acceptance I needed to lay down the attempts to fix myself and surrender over to God what I'm doing for him (funnily enough) and just let myself receive for a little while without feeling guilty about it. This receiving has been from God and from people, for regardless of common thought God did not only create us with a God shaped hole that only he can fill, though that is very much there, he also created us with a people shaped hole - he created us to be in fellowship with each other and that is a truth that I still need to really sink in as I allow people into my life in a deeper way then I've ever done before when I chose to say that God was all I REALLY needed and dependancy on people means I'm inadequate.
In a nut shell that has been the major work of God in my life, he is a good and faithful God who will not let us stay lonely or isolated if we honestly and openly cry out to him for help and guidance, he came through for me and is changing my outlook, my heart, and my whole life. He is beautiful, he is faithful and I am more in love with him then ever!
Katherina Buyer <><
Thursday, May 5, 2011
What life looks like so far
Hello interested parties!
So, I have now been in England for a little less then a month and decided it was overdue to send out a blog about life as it is so far to all of you lovely people :). So here is the strategic layout of most days...
I wake up usually at around 7:30 and have a little Bible reading and prayer time in the morning, I will have to add that since I have been here the teaching has been monumental in teaching ways to read the Bible effectively so my Bible reading has improved wonderfully!
At 8:30ish is breakfast most days this is very simple cereal, toast, coffee... however Tuesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week because that is the "fried breakfast day" which means eggs, bacon and fried tomatoes... mmm... breakfast on Tuesday is usually closer to 8 :).
After breakfast at about 9:20 every morning there is a worship time or Bible study time with all of the NETS students from both stages (currently there is my stage 1 and the NETS stage 3's who will be going to Kenya shortly). This is a very rich time of worship, it is evident that God is present in this place and that the people here are unashamed of how they interact with him. It is more beautiful worship then I have ever seen, and it has nothing to do with the performance of the leaders.
After worship is our morning class, these have covered a large amount of topics, so far all on faith foundations, by a large group of different teachers. These classes have already been really growing, they are about things I thought I knew - but I am finding it all very full, rich and beautiful. I know now that this teaching and this place really will change someone's life if they receive it.
After morning classes it's lunch time! Lunch is anything from sandwiches and salad to hamburgers, to fish. Lots of variety and usually very good. There is always salad so that's wonderful. Lunch is also a very long break which usually involves a nice walk or some quiet time.
Back to classes for the afternoon. Most of the time the afternoon classes are a continuation of the morning class, giving us a day on a topic.
Time for "tea" or dinner, which is always too big, mostly very good and a wonderful time of community with others. This marks the end of the organized day... the evenings have some optional classes and an optional Bible study, so far most evenings have been full of movies with friends, or other recreational activities.
Pierrepont is very clearly an international school, the people I spend most of my time with are from Columbia, Australia, New Zealand, Romania, and China - and that's just a handful... it's a very exciting thing having people from "every tribe and tongue" worshiping and learning about God together, all people with vision for bringing the word of God to where they are from, you can feel the excitement in this place for the Nations.
If you want to know more about Ellel or particularly Ellel pierrepont go to www.nevereverthesame.com. Or if your interested in the teaching of Ellel but can't up and move to England then check out their on-line training school Ellel 365 http://www.ellelministries.org/365.
So, I have now been in England for a little less then a month and decided it was overdue to send out a blog about life as it is so far to all of you lovely people :). So here is the strategic layout of most days...
I wake up usually at around 7:30 and have a little Bible reading and prayer time in the morning, I will have to add that since I have been here the teaching has been monumental in teaching ways to read the Bible effectively so my Bible reading has improved wonderfully!
At 8:30ish is breakfast most days this is very simple cereal, toast, coffee... however Tuesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week because that is the "fried breakfast day" which means eggs, bacon and fried tomatoes... mmm... breakfast on Tuesday is usually closer to 8 :).
After breakfast at about 9:20 every morning there is a worship time or Bible study time with all of the NETS students from both stages (currently there is my stage 1 and the NETS stage 3's who will be going to Kenya shortly). This is a very rich time of worship, it is evident that God is present in this place and that the people here are unashamed of how they interact with him. It is more beautiful worship then I have ever seen, and it has nothing to do with the performance of the leaders.
After worship is our morning class, these have covered a large amount of topics, so far all on faith foundations, by a large group of different teachers. These classes have already been really growing, they are about things I thought I knew - but I am finding it all very full, rich and beautiful. I know now that this teaching and this place really will change someone's life if they receive it.
After morning classes it's lunch time! Lunch is anything from sandwiches and salad to hamburgers, to fish. Lots of variety and usually very good. There is always salad so that's wonderful. Lunch is also a very long break which usually involves a nice walk or some quiet time.
Back to classes for the afternoon. Most of the time the afternoon classes are a continuation of the morning class, giving us a day on a topic.
Time for "tea" or dinner, which is always too big, mostly very good and a wonderful time of community with others. This marks the end of the organized day... the evenings have some optional classes and an optional Bible study, so far most evenings have been full of movies with friends, or other recreational activities.
Pierrepont is very clearly an international school, the people I spend most of my time with are from Columbia, Australia, New Zealand, Romania, and China - and that's just a handful... it's a very exciting thing having people from "every tribe and tongue" worshiping and learning about God together, all people with vision for bringing the word of God to where they are from, you can feel the excitement in this place for the Nations.
If you want to know more about Ellel or particularly Ellel pierrepont go to www.nevereverthesame.com. Or if your interested in the teaching of Ellel but can't up and move to England then check out their on-line training school Ellel 365 http://www.ellelministries.org/365.
Friday, April 15, 2011
The beginning of a New Chapter
also called the End of an Old Chapter,
props to Jeremy Schindel
So, here I am at the start of a new chapter. This is the end of my first whole day at Pierrepont, and I spent most of yesterday asleep (as in I skipped meals asleep). So far the traveling was trying, but not in a stressful "held at customs" way. If I look at it from a difficulties arising standpoint is was great- but it being my first flight over the ocean and nine hours in a plane at night alone and then getting on a very small train with very big bags three times and then hoping the person picking you up is still there an hour after you're expected... it was stressful. The first thing I missed was all of you. It's one thing to say your independent and that you can do all sorts of things by yourself, but when it's time to say goodbye for the last time, when you get into the airplane all by yourself and start to fly... Or worse, get off the airplane and are alone for two hours and responsible to get yourself somewhere... that's when being independent becomes more then the number of candles on the Birthday cake. I didn't feel like I was ready for it, not at the moment it happened. I was scared to ask for help but I did, I was scared to make assumptions but I did, I was scared and some of me wanted to go home, but I couldn't, and now I'm here, I made it though day one, I got here and next time will be easier (I hope). I'm older now, I still miss you all. Amazing that it's not being afraid but giving into fear that is the problem.
Anyway, it's the end of the second day and I have already met brilliant people from all over the world, seen beautiful country side and participated in a beautiful worship service. Here the words on the screen are in both Mandarin and English, which is so beautiful for a place of fellowship, it is so easy to only think of the people around us as brothers and sisters, but to God we are all related and are all free to worship in our own languages, He is a God who created diversity, not one who encourages assimilation.
Another story out of my first day happened during my little adventure walk. As you were able to read in paragraph one I did not have a good time traveling and, at least to me
no fun+stepping out in faith=doubt. So as I'm wandering the grounds (an amazingly large 35 acres... Britain it will take time to get used to you) I go to the river walk and check out the prayer hut. The very second I get there a beautiful swan swims by, and just hangs out for a little while, right next to me. God says he is glad I am here and that I shouldn't be worried about my youth or discomfort. God is good in the way that he provides what we need when we think we don't need it but really do, and now that the internet is back up I can post this blog.
If you don't like it I blame jet lag, if you do then thank you. :)
p.s. to grammar Nazi's, future posts will most likely be edited.
props to Jeremy Schindel
So, here I am at the start of a new chapter. This is the end of my first whole day at Pierrepont, and I spent most of yesterday asleep (as in I skipped meals asleep). So far the traveling was trying, but not in a stressful "held at customs" way. If I look at it from a difficulties arising standpoint is was great- but it being my first flight over the ocean and nine hours in a plane at night alone and then getting on a very small train with very big bags three times and then hoping the person picking you up is still there an hour after you're expected... it was stressful. The first thing I missed was all of you. It's one thing to say your independent and that you can do all sorts of things by yourself, but when it's time to say goodbye for the last time, when you get into the airplane all by yourself and start to fly... Or worse, get off the airplane and are alone for two hours and responsible to get yourself somewhere... that's when being independent becomes more then the number of candles on the Birthday cake. I didn't feel like I was ready for it, not at the moment it happened. I was scared to ask for help but I did, I was scared to make assumptions but I did, I was scared and some of me wanted to go home, but I couldn't, and now I'm here, I made it though day one, I got here and next time will be easier (I hope). I'm older now, I still miss you all. Amazing that it's not being afraid but giving into fear that is the problem.
Anyway, it's the end of the second day and I have already met brilliant people from all over the world, seen beautiful country side and participated in a beautiful worship service. Here the words on the screen are in both Mandarin and English, which is so beautiful for a place of fellowship, it is so easy to only think of the people around us as brothers and sisters, but to God we are all related and are all free to worship in our own languages, He is a God who created diversity, not one who encourages assimilation.
Another story out of my first day happened during my little adventure walk. As you were able to read in paragraph one I did not have a good time traveling and, at least to me
no fun+stepping out in faith=doubt. So as I'm wandering the grounds (an amazingly large 35 acres... Britain it will take time to get used to you) I go to the river walk and check out the prayer hut. The very second I get there a beautiful swan swims by, and just hangs out for a little while, right next to me. God says he is glad I am here and that I shouldn't be worried about my youth or discomfort. God is good in the way that he provides what we need when we think we don't need it but really do, and now that the internet is back up I can post this blog.
If you don't like it I blame jet lag, if you do then thank you. :)
p.s. to grammar Nazi's, future posts will most likely be edited.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Support Letter
Dear Friends and family,
I have recently been accepted at an Ellel ministries school in England known as NETS or Never Ever the Same. This name rings true for the program as many of the students come out with a renewed sense of calling and having been truly changed from the inside out. It is my hope that the same will happen in my life as I take this step of faith and venture out to be equipped for a life of ministry, no matter what I’m called to do.
NETS ministry school is based on Luke 9:11, in which Jesus welcomes, teaches and heals. They teach the wisdom and healing offered to us by Christ through his life, death and resurrection. NETS is made up of four ten-week semesters that can either be taken in succession or one at a time. The semesters build on each other: the first is being ministered to and being provided with the foundation needed for one-on-one ministries. The second stage digs further into learning about ministry and getting more in depth about the foundations learned in the first semester. The other two semesters focus more on learning about ministry and branching out by ministering to others. This happens both as ministry to churches in Britain and as an international missions trip to a different country every year. The fourth semester is an education in church leadership and administration. If you are curious about NETS you can learn more by visiting the website www.nevereverthesame.com.
I have been accepted for all four NETS semesters; the first one starts in April of this year. Though I am preparing to go for the whole program doing so is a step of faith because currently I have about enough funding for the first two semesters. I would therefore like to ask you for help raising the funds that would go towards my third and fourth semesters. If you do not feel that you can help with finances at this time I would still love your support through prayer which is vital; NETS is a very intense time of personal growth. However I implore you to prayerfully consider and would greatly appreciate any amount of funds that could be offered by you. I also invite all of you to follow my stay and offer feedback on my blog for the trip. The link is http://katieatpierrepont.blogspot.com/ and I will be starting posts on the situation of my fundraising very soon. If you do feel led to provide financially please write cheques to Katherina Buyer and send them to my home address at 10944 76 ave Edmonton AB T6G 0J7.
Thank you all for being in my life and for your support on this journey. I thank God for you all. I am very excited for this next step in my life and I know that it isn’t possible without the positive influences that I have had.
Sincerely, Katherina Buyer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)